The Twelve Days of Christmas (According to the Drunk Guy at the Party)

🎄 The Twelve Days of Christmas (According to the Drunk Guy at the Party) 🍷

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
A beer I already lost… where’d it go? 🍺

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Two bar stools wobblin’
And that beer I swear was just here.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Three missed calls
Two bar stools wobblin’
And I think that beer stole itself.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Four “I’m fine!”s
Three missed calls
Two bar stools wobblin’
And I’m definitely still in control.
On the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me—
FIIIIIIVE SHOTS OF WHISKEEEEY! 🥃
(No wait—four. Or six. Who’s counting.)

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Six texts I shouldn’t send
FIIIIIIVE SHOTS OF WHISKEEEEY
Four “I’m fine!”s
Three missed calls
Two bar stools wobblin’
And where is my phone, I was just texting—

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Seven drinks ago me
Said “I’ll switch to water” 💧
(Narrator: He did not.)

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Eight bathroom trips
(None of them productive)
Plus that song I keep restarting.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Nine loud opinions
About politics, aliens,
And why Die Hard IS a Christmas movie.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Ten times saying “one more”
(This is the last one. For real. Swear.)

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
Eleven memories I won’t remember
But everyone else definitely will. 😬

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me—
TWELVE REGRETS FORMING
Eleven blank spots
Ten “one mores”
Nine loud opinions
Eight bathroom trips
Seven bad decisions
Six texts unsent (thank God)
FIIIIIIVE SHOTS OF WHISKEEEEY
Four “I’m fine!”s
Three missed calls
Two bar stools wobblin’
And a hangover wrapped in Christmas cheer! 🎁🤢

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